Parenting in a Pandemic: A Pediatrician’s Perspective
This article is written by guest contributing writer Louisa Salisbury, MD. She can be found on her website.
You may recognize this beautiful soul that was on our podcast back in October, to listen click here. Louisa is a pediatrician as well as a mama! This #wellnesswednesday we are lucky enough to have her share with us her insight, perspective and tips for parenting during this global pandemic.
Picture provided by Louisa Salisbury.
Parenting in a Pandemic: A Pediatrician’s Perspective
Written by Louisa Salisbury, MD.
Let's start by taking a big breath and admitting to ourselves that this is hard. Here we are, eight months into the COVID 19 pandemic, longer depending on when you start counting, and now we are facing cold and flu season. It is no exaggeration to say that this public health crisis has affected nearly every aspect of our daily lives. In different ways and to different degrees, but no one has escaped the impact. As a pediatrician, I've talked to families daily about how they are coping and what the experience has been like for them. The struggle is real. Parents have so much on their plate and now are trying to keep their families healthy, happy, and safe amid a global pandemic. I'm a mom myself, so I share many of the same worries. There are ways we can make things easier for ourselves and our kids and help our families stay healthy this winter.
Fill up your cup
I put this first for a reason. Taking care of yourself is an essential part of parenting, even in regular times. It is even more crucial now because we are being stressed and stretched in new ways. Do what you can to manage stress and care for yourself. Stress management comes in many forms, but find what works for you; journal, meditate, incorporate relaxation or breathing exercises into your day, get outside, move your body, feed yourself, treat yourself. Find safe social outlets through technology or small social bubbles. Make space for alone time, even if it means a little extra screen time for the littles.
Talk about it
Discussing scary topics with kids can be difficult, but it is necessary. Children are incredibly observant, and even the youngest children will notice that something is going on. If we don't explain things at a developmentally appropriate level and keep the dialogue going, their little imaginations will often come to even scarier conclusions about what is happening. Provide reassurance, explain things in simple terms, but keep it short and allow them the space to ask questions. Limit exposure to media and more information than they need. Be mindful of what conversations they overhear, and try not to let your anxieties and concerns add to their fears.
Focus on what you can control
We may not be able to control many of the big things happening around us, but there are things we can do. Focus on keeping our family's bodies healthy and protecting others with good food and sleep, washing hands, wearing masks when out, staying home as much as possible, avoiding large gatherings to help ourselves and others stay healthy. The Flu shot reduces the incidence of getting the flu and decreases severity and complications if you do catch it. This season, it is extra important to reduce the burden on medical facilities stretched to the max caring for COVID patients and prevent Flu/COVID coinfections. It is very safe for most people, but if you have questions or concerns, please talk to your physician.
In addition to washing hands and caring for our bodies, there are a few supplements that have proven benefits in the setting of other viral respiratory infections and although more research is needed, they may have similar effects in the setting of COVID 19 (Please consult your physician):
Vitamin D - has been shown to reduce the incidence of other respiratory infections and some recent evidence has shown an association with vitamin D deficiency and increased likelihood of testing positive for COVID 19.
Vitamin C - has been shown to reduce the incidence of respiratory infections.
Zinc - has been shown to reduce the incidence of respiratory infections and shorten the common cold duration.
Pod up
Finding safe social outlets for yourself and your kids is possible. Choosing 1 or 2 other households and setting ground rules for COVID precautions that everyone agrees to, including sticking with your pod, is a lower risk strategy to incorporate some interaction. If you have kids learning from home, finding a family with similar aged children can allow them to do schooling together and help parents share the burden of facilitating.
Try not to compare. Your decisions for your family are your own.
Decision fatigue is something many of us face as we grapple with how to navigate this new reality. Many choices we are making for our families are nuanced and involve taking calculated risks, which will inherently vary depending on your circumstances. It is ok if other parents make different choices, and doesn't necessarily make one of you wrong. If there is ever a time to practice compassion and support for other parents instead of judgment (which should always be the case), it is now.
Monitor your information overload and stick to reliable sources
In the same way that we need to protect our children from excess information or misinformation, we need to limit our own consumption. Equally as important is to quality control the information we do let in. Find a quality news source or two committed to reporting the truth, a scientific resource, or an expert in the field. I'll include some suggestions for resources below. When it comes to decisions about your children or family's health, please talk to your physician. In addition to the COVID 19 pandemic, we are up against a misinformation and conspiracy pandemic, and it is not helping our cause.
Take some things off your list and Delegate.
Now is not the time to set unrealistic expectations or goals for yourself as a parent or a human. Although some have found joy in taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill during the pandemic, many of us may not have the mental bandwidth for that right now. What do you and your family need to thrive at the moment? What projects can you save for when you are in a better mental space or less stressed? What responsibilities can you delegate or take off your list altogether?
Get organized and set the stage for new routines.
If you find yourself adapting to working or schooling remotely, take the time to organize and set yourself up for success. Develop a structure to your day. Routines are comforting, particularly for children. Designate times for learning, outside play, and free time. Try to schedule a time when everyone does their own thing. Not having any alone time can be stressful for parents and kids. Try your best to maintain sleep schedules and bedtime routines. Set up designated spaces for work that have supplies at the ready and minimize distractions.
Set limits, but be flexible
Kids thrive when consistency, boundaries, and routines are present. It is ok to bend the rules during this time, but limits are necessary. Extra screen time is ok, but it is always important to regulate the content, duration, and set regular move-your-body breaks. Similarly, tweens and teens are coping with being cut off from their social networks and supports, so allowing them a bit more time on their phone or social media is an acceptable compromise, but be sure to monitor. Screens should not interfere with adequate sleep or family meals.
Regular check-ins with the family and yourself
Set aside time to check in with yourself and your household about how everyone is coping. Sit down together for dinner and talk about the day. Talk about what is working well and what is not. Encourage discussing feelings and resist the urge to "fix" your child's negative emotions. Give them space to vent and express their disappointment and validate it. Many kids of all ages are likely to be bored and frustrated and pushing limits. Young kids can't always identify or express their worries out loud and manifest in other ways like behavior changes, sleep problems, or nervous habits. Watch for and address signs of anxiety and stress (this can manifest as acting out for many kids.)
Think outside the box. Start new traditions.
Many of our favorite activities and routines are not accessible right now. It is normal to grieve those missed experiences, but it is also an opportunity to create new traditions. Brainstorm ideas with your kids. As we approach the holiday season, when most of us crave family traditions that may not be safe or doable this year, work together to find new ways to celebrate.
Start each day fresh. Don't carry yesterday's frustrations or perceived failures with you into the next.
Finally, this is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be bad days, and we won't always be on our best parenting game. Try your best to let bad days go. Debrief as a family after a hard day, apologize if it is warranted, learn together. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to make the best of an incredibly difficult situation. Despite the challenges, this season can also present an opportunity to spend more time with our families, simplify our day to day activities, and focus on what is important.
I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy February!
Resources:
Kids and COVID:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/2019-Novel-Coronavirus.aspx
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/coronavirus.html
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Working-and-Learning-from-Home-COVID-19.aspx
General Info:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
https://www.who.int/health-topics/coronavirus#tab=tab_1
https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/covid-19-basics
https://www.idsociety.org/globalassets/idsa/public-health/covid-19/activity-risk.pdf