Eating Disorder's Awareness Week - Survivor Insight *Trigger Warning*
This article is written by guest contributing writer Valerie Wulf; a passionate soul with the intention of helping others heal through Holistic Nutritionist, Yoga, and Shamanism approach. For more information you can contact her on her website.
Picture by @Soulasana
Please note that the topics disclosed here are sensitive and may be triggering for you. The intention behind this post is to shed light on eating disorders by education, sharing a story that ends with hope and empowerment.
For resources and support surrounding Eating Disorders (such as anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, disordered eating, unknown, etc.), we invite to visit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
Please note that eating disorders occur in both men and women. Know that eating disorders are acknowledged as a abnormal or disturbed eating habits, this a psychological condition that is detrimental to ones physical, mental and emotional health.
This #wellnesswednesday Yoga to Cope brings in Valerie Wulf, an eating disorder survivor, advocate and educator. #NEDAwareness
It’s Eating Disorder’s Awareness Week! An important week for me and for the world!
My friend Sky asked me to write a blog post for this special week. I feel both, honoured AND nervous… a duality of emotions is a thing ;)
What’s the most important thing I can and have to share with the readers here? Admittedly, its a challenge but continue reading on to see my message for people who are suffering or have suffered from an eating disorder.
Let me tell you a bit about my story first so you know why I’m writing to you here.
I suddenly lost my father when I was 13 years old. This contributed to my onset of Anorexia Nervosa which I suffered from my whole teenage years. I actively started to recover when I was 17.
Going to a rehab center to recover for half a year was the best decision I could have made. It saved my life but truthfully it wasn’t enough to un-program the years of confusion and insecurities around food and my body. Until around 1.5 years ago there were still fears attached to certain foods, still some rules kept in place to “keep me safe.”
The rules then caused me to fall into binge-restrict eating cycles that lead to a sports addiction to “make up for what I had eaten.”
I was devastated about it and thought: “Why am I still not healed by now? Why am I still struggling? What’s wrong with me that I’m just not getting over it and can’t have a healthy relationship with food and my body?”
Just let me tell you this before I go on: NOTHING was ever wrong with me. Looking back now it all makes perfect sense.
The diagnosis of Anorexia Nervosa made sense. The counter reaction of bingeing & then restricting again made sense because my body needed to refill it’s long time depleted stores. Combined with the extreme desire to heal, to understand, and find an answer, made sense. These are all normal human reactions!
Since I finished high-school I have tried to find the perfect way to live and eat, I constantly self-optimized & tried to heal myself in multiple ways. I traveled around the world to find THE answer. Ironically, I didn’t even know the whole question at the time… I guess, maybe, I was looking for freedom, for a home where I’d finally feel safe and seen, for purpose.
Overseas I took courses about raw veganism, shamanism, holistic health & nutrition, did a yoga teacher training, read tons of books about alternative medicines, herbs, nutrition… I just wanted to know THE answer SO badly. I thought in one of those books or courses I MUST find the answer, the truth, the solution to finally end my suffering and be free!
Certainly all of my studies & books have played a major role in where I stand now. They’ve helped me tremendously to become my authentic self again.
But none of the courses or books held MY universal truth or THE answer for me - because they were someone else's (the author’s) truth and answer!
There was still fear inside of me to fully let go of my food rules. I was still restricting here and there, I was still not able to fully surrender into my hunger and satiation feelings and most importantly I simply didn’t feel free in my life in general.
I felt like I was living in a golden cage - a cage that was shiny, safe, big enough to walk around, but it felt oh-so boring. I felt trapped and there was just not enough space to fully expand into my whole being, and always something missing.
Today THE answer for me is... there is NO right answer, there is no universal right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative. There is just MY INTUITION, this inner voice, this inner guidance system, maybe you even wanna call it my soul or highest self.
Sometimes that inner voice is really quiet, hard to hear and scary to follow. Other times it’s very loud and clear, easy to follow and act upon. It’s ever changing, never constant - but it always holds THE answer for me.
Which in return also means as soon as I had accessed this truth within myself I was able to throw all my rules about eating and movement over board, because I learned that my intuition always knows better than any rule or habit.
It knows ME, it knows what I need right now. I did no longer need external rules or validation about how I live my life, and what I eat - because suddenly this whole world of answers opened up within myself.
Having no rules & ONLY listening to my intuition has given me all: freedom, safety, belonging, purpose and a sense of home within myself.
In the beginning of my nutrition studies in Vancouver, I realized that every body is different and that one dietary or healing approach can’t and shouldn’t work for everyone. As a holistic nutritional practitioner all I can work with is my clients' truth - not my own.
This was the final step for me to fully surrender, to allow myself to have complete food freedom, and to screw all the rules someone else who has no idea about my body has implanted in my mind!
To sum it up: no one else holds more truth for you than yourself!
No one else can decide what’s best for you.
Of course, go seek help and advice from others or professionals if you need support — but always come back to what feels right for you in each and every moment. Even if it goes against everything you’ve ever learned or been told before.
Allow yourself to be the authority in your life, and claim your voice again!
May you have the courage to follow your bliss and live a life full of miracles.
I hope that you allow yourself to fully trust your innate guidance system, your intuition & start showing up as your highest self.
I hope you let go of all the rules that hold you back, that keep you small and in a place where you feel stuck, where you are not happy and satisfied & where you can’t expand into your full potential.
I hope that you realise that you can fully trust your body - for it’s beyond intelliigent and wise.
Last but not least, I hope that you’ll finally be able to say yes to the things you wanna say yes to, and no to the things you wanna say no to.
I’m sending you so much love!
Valérie